5.56X45mm Brass Full Metal Jacket and a $35000 White Gold w/ Three Diamonds

I hope that makes some sense of where this Blog is going. I put allot of research into that you know. For those of you who aren’t familiar with ammunitions, a 5.56X45mm (also known as .223 Remington) Brass Full Metal Jacket is a bullet, a bullet that is fired from a M16A2 Semi-Auto/Auto Rifle that is commonly used by infantry. A $35000 ring is made up out of a 14 carat white gold band and three 1.06 carat diamonds. Now why would these two items have anything to do with one another? Well, here is the thing, I am a romantic by nature, I am a soldier by design. There you have it, the design of a loving companion bread out of a killer? Well not quite, perhaps we'll say a fighter. Soldiers don’t kill, they fight, bombs and bullets kill. Anyway, on with the Blog, enough about the details. So what’s the point to all this?

You see, as a kid I had always wanted to be Military; rather, a Pilot in the Air Force, but that idea got scratched by the almighty, so I went for ministry in stead. I stand by my call to share the gospel on a grand scale to young people, but I can not ignore my heart that cries out to be a soldier, and it always has done so. So, what do I do....? To make things more difficult, who wants to marry a soldier that finds excitement in the idea of sticking himself in situations where he may be within inches of flying bullets and shrapnel? Few ladies, I am sure, fall under that category when it comes to the perfect guy. But I can’t settle into an office, not when my heart roams the battle field. Ahh! It plagues me I tell you; perhaps this soldier business is best brought up next time I have a sit down with J. And for the ring business, she'll be lucky if it breaks five grand, never mind thirty five, and besides, I am not getting married anytime soon, need the girl first, not that I am looking for her. I am looking for my path! So, here is some soldier poetry for ya...

There I stood with my men abreast,

Leading the attack, courage burned in my armored chest.

Now the order to move hath been given so on we march,

The men’s faces stiff with fear as if with starch.

So the field was swallowed in black soon with dead,

They see our hearts, our soul’s eyes dread.

Archers make ready drawing arrows from quiver,

Soon we make a blood red flowing from flesh river.

We see our Calvary galloping as swords take flight from sheath,

Suddenly we hear a pounding echo, it’s the depths deep beneath.

They call out to us in awe of our infamous name,

These are the cries of the men we once killed for blame.

Somehow with what strength we began to run,

God must have pushed us, blinding enemy with sun.

Suddenly my sword took life and pierced deep,

All seemed too easy as if it were the slaughter of sheep.

The Calvary continued on and took up the rear flank,

Still my blade swung, deep into enemy blood I sank.

There lines so quickly swarmed began to fall and break,

It was water beating on the rocks in a dream so very fake.

The end of the battle seemed not so distant now,

None of my men were killed, by Gods grace some how.

The Calvary had rounded up enemy survivors for death,

Even in execution there was no fear on their breath.

The men were pleased with such a fine victory,

We made our way for camp, soon to smell sweet hickory.

The celebrations begun and they continued on quite long,

But still deep within me a Generals heart had no song.

Good night gang... my plague is subdued... for now.

TraV

An update

Hey gang,

So things are not going so well this time around the block. I wanted to let you all know, since I dont get to talk to many of you these days, what is going on with me. I am still at CPC learning bible stuff, let me tell you, I am learning some great stuff there, loving every bit of it. But there is that problem of homework, you see I am not getting all that I need to have done done and handed in, the thing is, Im not getting a great deal done at all. God called me here this year to work with M:180, I firmly believe that, He never said anything about attending CPC this perticular year. And as great a school as I have found it to be, and knowing many great people who have come out of this school prior to attending it, I still felt that it wasn't for me this year. So why am I going? Well, to tell you the truth, it was by recomendation of the boss that I am attending, I was not at all thrilled, but sugestions around here I've come to notice are not really suggestions. Ofcourse, I wwould like not to face another semester of this, but I have to right now it seems.... or do I? I will think about that and get back to you on it.

So why is this all so hard. Well, to be honest once more I do not know how Ashlee is dooing all that she does. It blows me out of the water how strong and determined she is to take on all that lays before her. All the power to ya girl. For those of you who dont know, Ashlee is a fellow intern here at Lawson with M:180 youth ministries and she is dooing a great job. So what is my excuse if she is dooing more than I? I dont know really, but here is the scoop, I dont think it is enough of a reason, but maby I am hard on my self. I am still dealing with this Migrane/headache pain thingy, its there 24/7 constantly causing me unbelievable amounts od discomfort at times, other times it just hurts, and rearely it imcompasatates me from dooing anything what so ever. So I guess making my head pain the center of attention for nine months has made my condition jealouse, and it now wants some of the spot light. For those of you who dont know, I have a condition called Neurocardiogenic Syncope... its not helpful. For the past three days it has been at me, trying to take me down, even now I am having trouble. It likes to make me stop everything I am dooing, even to black out at some points, not cool. Thus far I have been able to slow down and prevent such a black out from occuring, but at this rate I think it is only inevitable that will black out. So is that reason enough, maby, I think I am buisy, and because of the prior I need a lot more rest between activities, I feel like an old man to be honest. One more thing, My docter thinks it is a good ideah to up the dosage on my Pain Supressing medication, it's Amitriptilyne, she doubled it. The thing is is that it has some pretty crazy affects, I have not had any encounters with them before, but today it did affect me a litle. So if you notice please let me know if I am acting a litle wonky, I dont want to be feeling crazy side affects if I a can take other medicatons, more expensive ones, but they are side affects never the less.

So, on to the financial situation. Turns out that I wont be getting my student loan just yet, the one piece of info they want that they said they woudn't be needing they want it now before they realease any funds. So before I let them, I may be able to get out of it. But that will mean no CPC next semester, I get stuck with a three thousand dollar growing debt to the school and no money for africa. Chances are I will be getting them the info they want pronto. And thus I will be in school and africa next semester. I am trying to find another Job, this cleaning buisness is a litle to much to late in the day for me to be dooing right now to be honest with you. Great news, for which I am so very thankfulf for, by bro and sister in Law Leah are now sponsering me, they gave me one hundred dollars yesterday. Such a blessing, my phone bill was due to be paid tomorow and I had six dollars. They wanted to be providing a litle for me for a while now, but until now they were not able. Thank you so much Ty and Leah, you are amazing and I know god will bless you and your ministry there in Deep River Ontario. Love you both deeply. (yes I do talk with them other that this, but I dont know if they read this blog).

On to my life stuff. I am still single, I am still not looking... and thus I am to try and live that way... harder than I thought but I will try harder now. I have many great and awesome friends here in toon town and many in many other places around the country. Love you all dearly and I thank you for your prayers and support. I know I am going through a hard time, but God is with me and I know that your prayers have been my strength in many ways these past few months. Hopefully these alements will pass soon and I will be free to do my homework and laugh and play and all those other great things.


M:180 youth ministries is going well for me, I hope I am still dooing well for it. I can only do what God enables me to do though, that is the truth that I hold to and so I look to God that I may be of help to this ministry as much as God is able through me. We just did another Impact trip, this time to Carlyle SK, it was awesome, my second trip and I loved it greatly. Well, I think I am going to go now, J's office is a mess and I can something about it while I have strength, I may need to lie down after, but oh well. I am still supposed to be young, and I will act like it for as long as I can put on an act right!

Tootles one and all, love you all and I am greatful for your support and prayers. We here at Lawson can always use some extra prayer and support, Like Pastor John says, you cant have spiritual results if yoru not dooing the spiritual work... I think he says that. ofcourse we are praying, but more praying is always welcomed.

Oh, Ps: I am feeling much better mentally from the last two blogs I have left. Needed to come before God like I did this morning, no doubt once more my friends prayers were of help to me. Thank you again.

Explanation anyone?

I wish I had one. I really do, the thing is is that I am confused to, and thus I will be vague untill I figure it all out myself.
"I thought but I was wrong"
I thought my heart troubles were gone, but they're back.
"I didn't but I should have"
Talk, I didn't talk or say what needed to be said.
"I did and shouldn't have"
I assumed some things were what I interpreted them to be, but clearly God has other things in mind.
"I took and it was not mine"
It's simple, I stole, not physical possesions, but emotional things, things like hope and feelings of security, took them for my own, and I see now that was wrong.
"I wouldn't listen and I should have been listening to you all along, so please just talk to me then"
God is always trying to talk to us when we need to hear Him, but I wasn't listening when I needed it the most, and now I really want to hear what He has to say.

Thanx Brittany, prayer acomplishes miracles and hugs bring so many other things.

Now you may all understand a litle more of how confused I am? That makes sence deosn't it!
Im going to bed.

I am so very confused. I thought but I was wrong, I didn't but I should have, I did and shouldn't have, I took and it was not mine. I wouldn't listen and I should have been listening to you all along, so please just talk to me then. I am so very confused.

A Devo I wanted to share.

Romans 12:9-13

”9Love must be sincere.”

These four words need to ring as truth in my life, I say need to. How often it is that I am just doing things out of kindness and hospitality, but leaving out that genuine love of Christ that I say I share and needs to be shared to reach the lost.

“Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.

Honor one another above yourselves.”

The second part of verse nine is very self explanatory, but how often I find myself loving what is evil and avoiding what is good. Again I must see more into these verses. “Be DEVOTED to one another in LOVE” Umm, when was the last time I counted myself as devoted to my Christian brothers and sisters. Sure I try to be there for you, but am I devoted like Christ was, like the one I try to be so much like. I know I don’t honor you more than myself nearly as often as I should, but then, how much do I do things to honor God rather than myself?

“11Never be lacking in zeal,

but keep your spiritual fervor,

serving the Lord.”

I lack zeal, what fervor can be accounted to me…. I serve the Lord though right? I am not nearly excited enough about doing this, about living for the Lord most high. He chose us, to go share the gospel, a holy priesthood, don’t let anyone doubt us; walk in faith, Christ will be our strength in all things. Get excited about this! Do you think you have zeal in serving God? Are you following Him with fervor in your faith? Am I faithful, or am I a harlot with my trust in what I do and who I serve?

“12Be joyful in hope,

patient in affliction,

faithful in prayer.”

Do I take joy in the hope that I have been given through the death of Jesus? This is a hope that I might live eternally and not die. I have been given life! Am I joyful with this gift people? Or am I simply doing it? This isn’t some Nike add, this is Christianity, we don’t just do it, we are to love the life we have been given and live it loving others. I know I can be more patient in my affliction, I am like a child. I sit there anxious looking to God for the answers and for the point of it all, and I want it now, I don’t want to enjoy this pain or use it, just heal me and let me have that as a testimony. Oh, I am so not faithful in prayer, maybe to everything but God, and maybe when I pray to God it’s for everything but what I should be praying about, for everything but who I should be praying for.

“13Share with God's people who are in need.

Practice hospitality.”

Well, we all know I have so much that I can share…. Or am I reading this right? What could the brethren possibly be in need of, money? As much as spreading around the wealth can be helpful, maybe we ought to share our time and love, or efforts and hospitality, our wisdom and biblical knowledge. There is so much more on this world than material things that we can share when we have brothers and sisters in need.

Colossians 3:12-17

“12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

Again, did you catch that, “as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved,” we are chosen, we are made holy by Christ. He chose to die for you and me, so that we could be made holy and know day in and out that we are loved. Do I live out the compassion God had for me to others that need it? Am I kind to those who rebuke me or the stranger passing by? Am I humble in what I have been given for talents and gifts not only before God, but before the world, or do they see me as arrogant and prideful? Am I gentle with the weak and needy? Am I patient with the fool who will not listen or understand or the guy in front of me in heavy traffic?

13Bear with each other and forgive

whatever grievances you may have against one another.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

When I am upset by you, do I sit there in patience, or do I ignore you and keep my distance. Do I bear with the young Christian who knows no better, or with the person who does not know how to socialize with people like I do? How often am I quick to forgive? Am I like the God who forgave me?

14And over all these virtues put on love,

which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

Oh, the icing on the perfect Christian cake, when you have done all this, just love. It is the nails in the ship, without them your kindness and hospitality will be hollow and fall apart before you. If you do all this, have “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience,” without love the world and the Christian family will know, and they will be hurt, not by you, but for you. At least that’s how it should be, don’t be insulted by the angry brother or sister who lashes out, but hurt for them like God does, this is how you love, this is how they will find healing, “for love heals all things.”

“15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts,

since as members of one body you were called to peace.

And be thankful.

16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly

as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom,

and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs

with gratitude in your hearts to God.”

What peace have I allowed in my heart, do I not enjoy the confusion that is within? “I mean it is my excuse to sin, when I go too far with my girl friend, I can blame it on the confusion inside. I don’t want the peace of God. This turmoil helps me rebuke the foolish brother and sister and still I receive compassion from the rest because I am hurting.” That would be foolish, take the peace that lies before us, it is a gift, delivered swiftly and with LOVE by the spirit of God that dwells within you. “AND BE THANKFUL.” I think there is a reason Paul made that its own sentence. “Let the word of Christ dwell in you RICHLY.” Does it, is it there when you are called to minister to one another, or do you take the time to read it and know it as the WORD OF GOD? I don’t, but I know I should, it says so in the bible you know. “…with gratitude in your hearts.” Do not only worship having full knowledge of the bible, having it dwell richly in your heart, but also worship with gratitude. I know I’ve had that wrong for a long time.

17And whatever you do,

whether in word or deed,

do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus,

giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Do it in the name of Jesus, hold up! “There are some things we like to do that we can’t do in the name of Christ. It’s sinful.” As you live and do, before every act, think, “I am doing this for your name God.” Maybe we would screw up much less than we do? Than God would be present in all that we do. And again, “…giving thanks to God the Father through him.” That is through Jesus. Oh, and again, give thanks! I think there is reason enough for myself to do that.

Now, go and pray.
Your Friend,
TraV

My Questions?

If I am where I am supposed to be... why do I feel so out of place?
For a drummer who can keep a rythem...why am I so off beat?
I think I am a poet with an open heart... why do I feel that nobody knows me?
They said I have excellent discipline and a sound mind... why am I so confused?


To think that maby, just maby the outside could bleed its way in. That that peace and love, kindness and trueness of heart could be mine with a simple touch.... I am unsettled.

My empty place...

To know this barren place as if it was the un-wanted home of my life, terrifies me. I desire nothing more than to know the warmth of a fire, and the kindness of a solid roof. Would these metaphors not ring truth to your ears, do you not see that this for you to hear? I want you to know that without you in my life I feel like I am in that barren grass plain between two mountains, the world around me cold and frozen in the dead of winter. I can not even drink the water to be fulfilled for the river's are frozen. In this place away from you I know no love at all, just the company of the northwest wind day and night. I wish for the shelter of your arms, the kindness of your loving touch. Would it be too much for me to have the warmth of your embrace, or is that for me to have? What permission must I find you so that you may love me as I love you? What must I do to know your heart as you know mine where it freezes in the cool air upon my sleeve? Yes I wear it there in a place so vulnerable so that you may always know and never be confused as to who I am and what I desire. I am an open book that lay upon the table before you, my pages dusty with time, and my words unread and foreign to your eyes. Please hear me now if not ever again, tell me will you, can you ever love me like I need of you, or will I always know this lonely place? Am I foolish to think you might, has the cold of this empty place gotten to my weakened mind? I search by whatever light I am given for a way into your heart, like this wind upon this prairie, I will do all that I can to enter the home of your life.

A letter from the Editor

As I am sure since you read my Blogs whether they be a rant, a poem, a complaint, a prayer, or whatever... you always read the comments. Leah, a good friend of mine and no doubt you, was wondering who these were for? Well, I may indeed simply right in my blog a monologue with God, a poem for Jesus, but know that I try my best to never right something that is for a single person on here. I said I try. So my last poem "Maybe to Love You" was written from my heart, to.... no one. I simply wrote it because, apparently I've been called this before, I am a hopeless romantic. It may sound cheesy, but when I have a girl that I call 'mine', of course that can only be true in marriage, but when I do I will right her poems, take her on illustrious dates, I mean I will treat her better than the finest Diamond or Silver Wear. She will know I care about her, and I will not share those things with the world, they will be for her alone. So next time you read something by me that is romantic and affectionate to a "girl" and it’s in a public place, it is to no one. Take care folks, just wanted you to know.

Maybe to love you

If I were to know my final day of fate
If I knew when then it was that date
Would I now live today without fear
Would I not make this a better year

I would tell you now I love you still
I would we sure you knew your fill
If I were to say all that needed saying
If I were to do all that needed doing

I say it again without holding it back
I say that this is what I will still lack
I do all that you would have wanted
I do everything even if ever taunted

If I would say I do that I might always and forever without fear and never holding anything back and simply tell you honest of my heart that I do indeed and always will love you...
What then would you say?

Travis Hobbs 00.50.11.07.06

Walk this line!

The thing that shines through all of this busy world
What makes me smile fills my heart makes me joyful
It makes me move and wonder as I follow under hold
I wanted to tell you now so you'd know your beautiful

It doesn’t matter what they say so I know I don’t care
The world can turn against us and still I will love you
So please don’t ever wander but look up and just stare
Open you heart and know the love that is so very true

I want this strength I have to be your own now forever
You need this love that I have deep with in your heart
Forget about what they might say for now its whatever
Its what you believe yourself its been so from the start

Take a hold of this gift and lift it up for everyone to see
Just never forget the things that you have been through
Walk away from all the lonely ways that it used to be
Its not about what your faith is in its always about who

Travis Hobbs 21.30.11.06.06

About the last post....

Ok, so if you have the read the post that pre-ceeded this one, you can see that things are not always happy go-luckey for me, but you will also see that God is so faithful, so reliable, and maby even predictable. He is unchanging, you will never know all His ways, but He will personally know every one of your days. I am feeling a litle better now, I got to talk to a friend, it helped alot. Thanx :). When I said "So, that is all I got to say I guess. I just wanted to let you know that I am not well today." That was my ending, but my heart kept on pouring out through my hands upon this anoited Dell PC... yes, not a heathen mac, but a holy PC. ;) Jk, Im sure satan doesn't use macs, that's for his minions.

Good night, gang...
Im tired

I cry...

I have not had a great day. I got about five and a half hours of sleep last night, that didn't help. My migraine took all hope I had building up in me away. I feel like I am going to break down tonight gang. I thought just maybe, since it hadn't been bad in so long, that maybe this thorn in my flesh was gone... God please take this.... but it remains, and its presence can not be ignored. Thus I have been a little irritable today. Sorry if at some point I seemed angry with one of you, I probably wasn't, maybe I was just tired and looked pissed off. I really only felt upset at one point, but I wont get into that here. I can’t. I copied a song on here two months ago, here is the first verse, I don’t think anyone got the hint, what hint traV? I don’t know what I am talking about, I don’t want just anyone to get this...

If you put your arms around me,
Could it change the way I feel?
I guess I let myself believe
That the outside might just bleed its way in
Maybe stir the sleeping past
Laying under glass
Waiting for the kiss
That breaks this awful spell
Pull me out... of this lonely cell

So, that is all I got to say I guess. I just wanted to let you know that I am not well today. I am exhausted, just when I thought that I was getting a grasp on this life, my fingers slip with the sweat of my hands, and I fall, and I find myself close to the bottom of this all again. Can I take this anymore, can I handle the pain, do I want to turn to You for strength again? Or tell me now, have I exhausted Your great supply? I come back to You time and time again, only to find myself humbled before You. What right do I have to complain, what reason could be greater than Yours, what pain more severe? You watch me turn my back and You cry for me, I don’t listen for a while and You will only love me more. Why is it that I cant understand, why cant I have that God? Don’t You think that if I had this, this that I desire and tell no one about, that I would be happy? I think I would be happy, but what do I know other than that You Father know best for me. Don’t You? Can I doubt You this one time, or would you let me? Just in that last moment Your going to pull through for me aren't You? Your going to show me your grace and love abundantly. I know what I want and what I need, more often than not they are not the same. They are not both in Your will, just one. I wish I could change Your perfect and great will God, than maybe it would be better? Listen to this, I am foolish am I not? Your will is called good and perfect because that is what it is, who knows, maybe down this muddy road, and once I am over this cliff I will have what I want and it will be good and blameless in Your sight. Do I have the patience to wait, to push myself for as long as it takes, why cant I just walk away from You God? I know that life would be easier to live, but it will be hell to pay, quite literally. But You paid for my way, You paid for all this that I live with. You paid for my life of pain, this suffering I choose to share in, who knew it would be literal? I cant walk away, its impossible, I could never want that. It disgusts me to think that I could be ok to live in sin, disgusts me to realize that my friends who don’t know this life of hardship, this life of constantly having You and never being alone, will burn eternally perhaps even tomorrow. I have to push, I have to take them and bring them to You, show them the awesomeness that You are, so that maybe they may choose to believe and proclaim what they should and be saved. Maybe that they could enjoy a life like mine? No, I think they could be better than me, they could live better that I, who cant? I am a wolf in a sheep’s costume, I think I have dressed up so well that I have fooled myself. Haven’t I, or am I being overly dramatic? I rant about all this, I complain and You listen. Tell me, do you shake Your head at me, or do You reach out to me and try to hold me as I push You away, is that what I need God, just a hug from a friend or a Friend? I don’t know what is best for me, You tell me that this is no costume, but I don’t know if I can believe You on this one God. Maybe Your wrong about it all for once, I doubt it. When will I shut up and follow You like I should, like a dog? No, what a fool I am indeed, You desire for me to follow You like a free servant, one who loves his Master, and I do love You Lord. But do I love another? Don’t You know my heart better that I do myself? Isn't that true God? Reveal it to me than, what lies in the depths of my heart, tell me, I am already in pain, already I think I am suffering, can a look in this heart really make it worse? I don’t know best God, You do don’t You?? So I sit here in my corner of pain and cry as I interrogate You, what right do I have to do such a thing too the Lord most high? I don’t know what I am, who I am, I have lost my pitiful identity, I cast it off God. I hate me, I desire only to be You now. Is that what you wanted to hear, is that what You needed to set me free from the hole I have taken refuge in? I take refuge in it only because I have been down here so long that I have come to think it a safe place to be, but the water is rising, and I did not know that soon I would drown. Instead, I finally heard Your call and I looked up and seen that Your hand was reaching out to me, not to put me under, but to pull me out and place my unsteady feet upon solid rock. Can it be that I was standing on the solid rock all along, that when I fell because I lost my footing, it was only my weak legs, shaky knees, and blistered feet? But I did fall, only to take rest and lay upon that solid rock. You let me rest upon You, and when I was strong enough, when the blisters had healed, You urged me to go on. I stand now, my arms high, and heart abandoned, in awe of the One who gave it all, I'll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered, all I am is Yours! So what can I say, what can I do to actually screw this up, to actually ruin Your good and perfect will? Nothing I think, it is too good for me to completely understand. But now You know me, I hope You know me because You can see Yourself in me God. Why cant I? You took me from the place where I had little to worry about, you took me form my home and brought me here. Why God? Only to make this harder for me, I gave everything I had, I was exhausted, but I followed Your call there and now I have followed it here. I am still exhausted, and now I am poor, I am behind in everything but what You called me to do. Should I abandon everything else and do only what You have wanted of me? If I did that God, I would have time to rest; I would have time to regain my strength. Did I mess up and taken on more than I should have? But I can’t walk away from it now, can I God? I think not, but once again, what do I know??? I don’t know what I know, I don’t know me, isn't that right? So I will go on, I will be the faithful soldier; I walk into the battle field now that You have patched me up, but not alone? It is You who walks next to me, and bearing the cross, how can I now loose? How can another bullet do any more damage? You Lord have made me glad!

Worlds Apart?

All this space just waits in between you and me
I want to love you now and know that were free
Take my hand and pull us closer to the final place
Why must I need you like a strong tower a base?

Simply wanting to stand through the storm tonight
Strength I know is in your love like warmth in light
Yet I wait for you to come to me as if you desired
It's foolishness to think so now that you've retired

So in these thoughts and weakness I am pained
And realizing I have no freedom thus I’m chained
I need you like the fresh rivers need the open sea
Will I ever hold you again in this place near me?


To be free..

Are we really worlds apart?

Or can I live in your heart?

And the shiny gem falls once more…

Travis Hobbs 00.56.10.28.06

My Attempt for You

Sitting upon these stairs I am driven to dream and wonder

Thinking about all these possibilities of loving you forever

Driven by a heart on fire to the place where passion is power

I simply sit and watch you now till I grow apart and colder

I am confused and dazed by things I wish I could control

Can I not just love you now in this moment till the bell toll?

So it is with fervor I chase after your heart mind and soul

Leaving all behind I run toward thee fast as an anchored pole

Now it is you I think that has all the answers in your head

You look after me ever never stopping until I reach my stead

I know it is with you in your life that I wish always to be led

Seeking you forever like all other’s have promised and said

It is with you that my heart is found

The embodiment of true beauty

Fulfilled by perfection

I love you

Travis P. Hobbs [01.10.10.24.06]

Scenery

Check this out, you take a look in a mirror and you see this vast mountain range with a setting sun behind it, and a vast jungle that lay before it. How beautiful you think, my life is so organized, it is such a nicely painted picture. There the mountains, those are my freinds and family, my priorities are right for they stand above the rest. The jungle and its powerful eternal rives flow, that is my carreer, it fills my day and gives me purpose as I over look it all. It fills me with a feeling of completeness. But ofcourse, there is the most important part of my life picture, the setting sun, so beautiful and so praiseworthy. That has to be God. That is Jesus!

Wow, it really sounds like a beautiful picture doesn't it? Like a life that is on track to the right place for the right reasons, doesn't it? I mean, God is above it all, He is the center peice of the whole painting. Well, whats the problem! Umm, well, let us look at it again, what is the sun dooing? Its setting isn't it! Why?

Looks to me like we do have a problem folks. I hope you dont identify with this painting as much as I do, we are on this road getting our priorities in order. Dooing what we need to do to serve God with our full potential. I think we are getting something wrong, that sun should not be setting. If it is setting in your life, if it seems that it has done all it really needs to do in our lives and now its time for the rest of the world too see it cause Im perfect, than were wrong. Ponder this, the mountains are too high, the jungle is too vast, the rivers are too strong. In comparision folks we have let God become just another part of the painting that is our life. When in fact we should tear that painting apart, why? It should not consist of mountains, vallys, jungles, rivers, or sky! It should just be a picture of a bright sun, nothing around it! Why, well, God is too great, friend, to be a part of your 'life picture', do you really realize who God is, I dont. Do really understand what, in its intierity, God has done for you, I dont think I do! God needs to be God, and if we are to even attempt to live our live's to be Christ-like, than we need to shape up and put God back where He belongs. I am saying this. We always seem to get idolizing right, spending our every moment in it, constantly thinking, wondering about what we are dooing and how it will affect your idol plans. Get it straight, if thats how we idolize, than idolize GOD! Our life picture will be more of a goal, something we paint and put on the wall and stare at constantly, our life needs to be like Jesus, like that picture of the bright and perfect sun, and noting but that sun!

Thoughts from a Rabbit.

If you havn't yet, read the next blog, if you have, do it again, and think about it!

Tear My World Apart

I look beyond the empty cross

forgetting what my life has cost

and wipe away the crimson stains

and dull the nails that still remain

More and more I need you now,

I owe you more each passing hour

the battle between grace and pride

I gave up not so long ago

So steal my heart and take the pain

and wash the feet and cleanse my pride

take the selfish, take the weak,

and all the things I cannot hide

take the beauty, take my tears

the sin-soaked heart and make it yours

take my world all apart

take it now, take it now

and serve the ones that I despise

speak the words I can't deny

watch the world I used to love

fall to dust and thrown away

I look beyond the empty cross

forgetting what my life has cost

so wipe away the crimson stains

and dull the nails that still remain

so steal my heart and take the pain

take the selfish, take the weak

and all the things I cannot hide

take the beauty, take my tears

take my world apart, take my world apart

I pray, I pray, I pray

take my world apart

Most of what I want to pour out...

It has been awhile since I have come on here and poured out what has been on my mind. It's generaly interesting... atleast for me when I do this. I find that my life can be quite humorous, often in cruel ways. So, I hope this isn't a boaring read for you, I hope I can be honest, and I hope I say only what I can say.

So I came to Thompson for my week off from school. Was it the right thing to do? I dont know, the thing is is that I had a few reasons that may have kept me in Toon Town. I have my reasons for leaving. Did I make a great choice, well, just being here has given me reasons to not have come, sadly. But I have had time to relax, I very much dislike being unable to do something, unable to function. I realize that I need my rest, for body and for mind, but I really do not want to have to deal with this migrane any longer... you know? It sucks. I like to push and hold nothing back, I simply rest when I am told to. Is this the life for me? I dont know, my hearts cry is for another one. Ooh, thats right, you heard me, I have a desier for a differnt life. A life that envolves unwaivering commitment, intense self disapline, a will to not let anything stop me or hold me back, a life without fear of anything. I want to be that. How or by what means?... you may be thinking. I want to be... all that I can be. Lol, I just pulled out an overused slogan. Well, not that that is off my mind.

Have you ever done something that you knew, or atleast you thought, was the right thing to do but you felt intierly embaressed/guilty/sick over it? I have had to do alot more of that than I like to do. Denying myself, as I should, things and relationships that I want so I can be nearer to God. I want that, to be in a realationship with God that is benificial to the kingdom. But the thing is, as much as I knew it, people will get hurt and offended by what I live and do. Trust me, if you are one of those people, I probly did not want to do what I did, I simply had to. Do you know how badly I wanted to simply not go to Saskatoon this fall? Of course, ok this is complicated, I wanted badly to be in Toon Town this year to study and serve God, its what I do. But I really felt that I needed a break, the first week of class, infact it was still orientation, I walked into my room and sat on the floor and proceeded to break down. I cried, yes I am a litle weak at times. Some have said I look like Clark Kent, probaly more when I had hair, but to prove my point I am not super man. I was physically in pain, mentally tired and exhausted, I wanted to take a full load this year, I wanted to do all that I could to go that mile further this year. But I couldn't, Im not sure I can even do this year as it is, I need my structure, constantly. I feel I have very litle right now. So I guess I am to make it my mission to find a litle structure and do what it takes to make myself stronger, what good am I without strength and endurance?

Onto to a different aproach, God wants us to be weak and broken before Him. Than He can do what He needs to do make me into what He needs me to be to do what He has planed for my life relying on His strength. Ofcourse, I must realize that I live that life right now, that in every step of that life I learn more about living it for Him. So I am here, right now, I hope I am there. There are people I cant understand right now, you know I really really want to know those people, befriend them. The thing is is that I can only do what God allows me to do, and in some cases what people will allow me to do and have grace with me over. And so I bow down and follow the call through the bitter to the end.

My next step will be to return to Toon Town, do what I can to keep my assingments on time, learn all that I can, and share that with the youth at M:180. I am looking forward to the rest of this year, as much of a stretching experince it will be, and it never should be anything less if we are dooing things right, it will be a good experince. As hard as always having to face offence is, it is important that we realize unless we want to stay at a nice comfy spot with God, where you can be less of all that you can be, that you need to go out and find something that God wants you to do and be stretched and challanged by it. Relize when you make it to Heaven you can realx and have it in your mind that you have done all that you can to reach the people of the world, the normal ones.

If this made sence or not, it is what it is.
Tootles one and all,
TraV

Love Song For A Savior

Jars Of Clay

In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close as a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

"I want to fall in love with You"

"my heart beats for You"

Disappear

Jars Of Clay - Eleventh Hour - Disappear

I watch you smile
You steal the show
You take a bow
The curtain falls in front of you
You're magical, on display
I gaze into your eyes and
You turn to look the other way

But I'd really love to know
I'd really love to climb
My way into your heart
And see what I could find
I'd walk into your skin
Swim through your veins
See it from your eyes
I'd really love to try...yeah

Standing still, but in my mind
Trying to escape
Looking for a place to hide
Well it's not safe but I'm so near
Invading every place you go
To disappear

I'd really love to know
I really want to climb
Into your soul
Walk into your skin
Swim through your veins
See it from your eyes
I'd really love to try
I'd really love to try

Yeah...yeah...yeah...try

Yeah I wanna get inside the you
You're hiding from
Yeah I wanna get inside the you
You're hiding from
I wanna get inside the you
That you are hiding from

Journey

Well, I am about to embark upon the great Bus Ride to Thompson MB. Good old times on that bus, that oh so long bus ride. I cant wait... rather I can and I do want to, but I press on. There are a few things and people I would like to stick around here for, but I simply think that is my selfish self... I think. What would I gain by staying. Less sleep and litle work done. My thoughts would be elsewhere, dwelling with other people and events. My hands than useless since I do not controll them, they sit there growing cold and alone.

Drawing a blank...

I sure am. I mean to say that I can not be entirely honest about what is bothering me for the nature of it does not simply include myself. Gosh! My mind is racing, my dreams and thoughts have been captivated and as I was lost in them, they were stolen. Simply for the use of the attack upon my heart, ripped from my chest and on display in a dark room. Cold there it waits, for what? Someone to love it and bring me back to life, or someone to stomp all over it and send me away, sick with pain. Im anxiouse, I want answers, but I can not ask the questions that desire them. I would be a jerk to do so, a looser, faithless... But the question I must ask myself is 'do I need answers?' Well TraV, do you...? No! I trust in the hearts of man and walk believing in the power of the one and only God. The Bright Morning Star, ohh, how that I long to look upon the sunrise with the one I love sitting next to me, simply in the presence of them, no words, just gestures and smiles, knowing the love that lay before and within us. Well, am I being random enough or have I been figured out by now? You see what is on my mind, put me to peace than!

Dont mind me, I simply rant. No comment required.
TraV

Yeah for the weekend!!!???

Well, this has not been the easiest of weekends. I missed class on Thursday and Firday due to mi Migrane and cold...the combo packed a good hit. Well, I also missed the due date on some homework... I didn't think that would go over well, but the leadership here at Central is great and compassionate. Dr. Munk told me to take care of myself, you can't do homework with a bad migrane, so take care of you and we will worry about due dates in the end. I was blown away, he than anoited me and prayed with me... thats an example of a leader and a servant. Good fellow. I was supposed to be playing friday night, guitar that is at youth. I knew that afternoon I was in no condition, but I went out and got some Tylenol Cold and Sinus Extra Strength and down'ed those for the service. I than prayed, knowing that they would accomplish very litle against my migrane... I asked God that if He wanted me to be in the service that He would have to take care of the pain that night, I have not felt better than night that I have in awhile. Partly drugs, the cold simptons were gone, mostly God, the migrane was GONE! yeah... Than came saturday. Talk about pain batman...I thought it hurt bad earlyer last week, I couldn't even walk well yesterday, I slept most of the day, and spent that evening at the hospital in the ER with an IV in my arm hooked up to oxygen... oh the greatest of Sauturday nights. But the drugs worked, for the night. This morning wasn't so fun though. I decided to stay home, in pain and feeling.... pukeish? i guess you could say. I slept all day, I feel farily good now thankfully. I look back and I think God, You were there. This was one of the best weekends of my life, how great and wonderful You are!

Change me

Something Beautiful – Jars Of Clay

If you put your arms around me,
Could it change the way I feel?
I guess I let myself believe
That the outside might just bleed its way in
Maybe stir the sleeping past
Lying under glass
Waiting for the kiss
That breaks this awful spell
Pull me out... of this lonely cell

Close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful

What I get from my reflection
Isn't what I thought I'd see.
so, give me reason to believe
You'd never keep me incomplete
Will you untie this loss of mine?
It easily defines me,
Do you see it on my face?
And that all I can think about is how long
I've been waiting to feel you move me.

Close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful
Into something beautiful
Into something beautiful

And I'm still fighting for the word
To break these chains
And I still pray when I look in your eyes
You'd stare right back down
Into something beautiful

So close my eyes and hold my heart
Cover me and make me something
Change this something normal
Into something beautiful
Into something beautiful
Into something beautiful
Into something beautiful

Well, it turns out that this year isn’t going to be so easy as I thought it might be. Yes friends, things are getting worse. My migraine is strong enough to kill a bull, could it just be the cold? Maybe! But check this out, on my way home from a Dr.’s appointment; I got a call from my Dr. back in Thompson. I had an ultrasound done on my abdomen to see if there was anything wrong. I was expecting everything to be ok since my last blood test came out pretty ok. Wrong! I have a very mildly enlarged liver…? What the heck does that mean? He went on to say that I should go see a doctor here as soon as I can. Gosh, is going to school this year a good idea? I keep thinking no. But if I don’t, I wont get the loan, and I wont get the benefits, that means I will have to get a job. Should I just go home? I want to. But, to think about it, I came here following the call of God, but for what, to suffer all this in a foreign place where I’m under even more stress. I need your prayers gang, I really want to just lock myself away and cry.

“If you put your arms around me,
Could it change the way I feel?”

The falling gem

I cant explain it, I can not get this in my head. Its driving me nuts, and at the same time I appear totaly calm on the outside, but in me, there is this war... a battle of epic proportions. I feel like I am loosing, but too who, myself? And why am I under attack. I need you to take this God... its been in me far to long. Im loosing my head, my patients are thin. WHY??? I cant take this anymore... I left young adults tonight, just put my shoes on and went out into the dark cold wet world, I wanted to cry... I feared for my life, but fear of what, I DONT KNOW! I just walked and tlaked with God, in the wet cold dark and empty night. I feel like I am about to loose it again, at that point where I will probaly need to admitted by the end of the week, the thing is is that this is no joke, no, its real. Welcome to my life everyone, Im a mess, and I cant get it together again. Not this time, no Im not ok tonight. Why did I walk? I needed to get away from the noise... yes I really do have a migrane and yes it does really fricken hurt. I need out. I dont want to walk over this hill, not anymore. But I remember, the story, Foot Prints in the Sand, and I am reminded of your faithfulness God, to someone else. I remember You've been so for me, not so long ago iether. I need it again, I need you to catch me, I have fallen off from this mountain, and I am spiraling towards the ground below. To what end? To what purpose... Im here, isn't this where you wanted me, and now I am broken! Beaten! Lost! AHHH! I havn't been frustrated in a very very long time, to this point, to the point where I just needed to do this, to wear my heart on my sleve, to show you that inside, Im the poor man on the street, just pushing my cart, inside I feel I've lost it all, and yet I have everything I need, God. I would also like to meet that good samaritan, the rest just pass me by. Father send someone, someone to except me and love me like You can. Im strung out gang... cant you tell! I came here at a bad time, but I came here for God's time. Turns out that showing up just isn't good enough, I've got to do more than work hard, I've got to do more....



Ps: The gem is that sparkeling bead on my cheek, that salty water that comes out of your eyes.... yes a tear.

God tear me appart, destroy me God, and leave nothing, insinerate me, make me suffer, I die for you today, and for ever. I need you to fallow through on this, work me to the bone, and then grind those to dust. Cant you hear this, I want to be nothing before you, an empty bag of flesh, no thought's or desires that are not from you, no hope for escape, just a empty vessel, to be filled and replaced by you. Jesus come, in your name...amen.

Moth's

There I was, sitting around a fire I had just built, alone at Simon House Bible Camp. The kids had just gone home and there would not be more till Sunday afternoon, freedom. The fire was a little bigger than I intended, but there was no wind, and the everything was wet, no need to worry, besides the heat was nice. The power went out a short time later, and the only light in the camp was either my fire or someone’s flashlight.

I sat there staring into the fire, praying and reflecting upon the week past, and then God brought something rather odd and intriguing to my mind. As the other lights had gone out around camp, all the moths that were on the near by buildings were now being drawn to the light of my fire. The odd part was that the Moth’s didn’t realize that not only was the fire beautiful and attractive but it was also fiercely hot and harmful. The Moth’s flew right into the flame of the fire, and than dropped into the ashes, dead. God asked me if that made any sense? I didn’t quite get it until I was praying the next day. I sat above the waves like I had dreamed of doing the whole school year and God just hit me with it.

“I have brought you passed so many fires this year, yet you have not taken your eyes off the one true fire. You have remained in the one fire that will not harm your life, the one that will only enlighten you and draw you nearer to me. All the ones you have come by this year would have damaged you and drawn you from my presence. I told you what I desired of you and you obeyed. Warn them!”

It just so happened I had signed up to testify in the service we would be doing it as a camp in Flin Flon the next day. I was amazed that God would give me a warning in my testimony for other’s to hear. So I shared the moth story, I talked about how there are so many lights in the world, and they can all be so attractive. Like an assured career and excellent pay, or fancy toys that you just so happen to be able to afford. I talked about my experiences, declining job offers I was receiving since I was now a rising star in the field of carpentry. I was getting offers like eighteen dollars an hour and amazing benefits. I didn’t even have my level one, but with my experience, I could have a career job by the time I was twenty, be ticketed as a Master Carpenter. But when you walk this earth, there is only one fire that you can go near, that you can walk into and it will not harm your relationship with Father, rather it will do quite the opposite. It will strengthen the relationship and give you passion for the Creator of all things. I knew what God wanted from me for this summer past and for this school year, knew that those fires were not His. I than shared a verse that Paul had written a few years ago, some of you may know him.

Philippians 3:7-16

7I once thought all these things were so very important, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I may have Christ 9and become one with him. I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God's law, but I trust Christ to save me. For God's way of making us right with himself depends on faith. 10As a result, I can really know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I can learn what it means to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11so that, somehow, I can experience the resurrection from the dead!

12I don't mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection! But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be. 13No, dear brothers and sisters, I am still not all I should be,^[c] but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14I strain to reach the end of the race and receive the prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us up to heaven.^[d]

15I hope all of you who are mature Christians will agree on these things. If you disagree on some point, I believe God will make it plain to you. 16But we must be sure to obey the truth we have learned already.

How about that one? I don’t mean to say that a life that is completely focused on following the Fathers lead will make you financially poor, or give you a poor job. I mean to say quite the opposite. I say that if we choose to follow God on the paths that our lives should take according to His will, than you will be blessed and have all that you will ever need. A life of standing in the one true fire, of following and seeking God will be amazing. Like Paul said, “But I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be.” That will be an amazing day friends. So shall we take a walk, or would you prefer to run the race that lies before us, and remember, some fires do burn, so keep your eyes fixed on the father, the one true fire.

Roots of Love

Have you ever tried to push over a tree? I’ll bet that if it was a nice healthy big old tree that you had very little luck with accomplishing the task. Note that I often see the tree itself break off and fall before its roots ever release there grasp on the soil. This of course is only where the soil is deep and rich. Well, I have a story about something else, doesn’t involve the tree itself, just a part that makes it stand tall and true, its roots.

When I was much younger than the young person I am now, I was playing with two of my cousins behind my grandparent’s cabin. We were having a great time playing in the dirt, and decided to take a break I suppose. We walked over to the cliff that lay behind the cabin and looked down. Below since the tide was down was a wonderful beach of sharp rocks and more rocks. We were arguing at whether or not you would survive the plunge when the tide was up. I knew that the tide was only a couple feet in difference at our cabins and I decided it would be a rather painful and perhaps deadly experience. Upon continued disagreement, we decided to go back to playing; my cousins turned away and went back to the dirt. I turned after further examining the situation and went to take a step when the ground beneath fell away and I with it. My first thought was something like, “Oh dang!” Then followed the frantic grabbing for something to save me from the landing, since the fall was the lesser in physical pain. I fell past the loose black dirt with nothing in it to hold to, and made it to the bed rock where there were some tree roots that had been exposed over time. I grabbed on to one and held on for dear life, the root strong and steady did its job well. My cousins noticing my shrieking terrified screams like that of a young boy came over to pull me back up to safety. Yeah, I was saved by a root that was strong enough to hold me from my death.

Mathew 13:21 NLT

“But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word.”

The point in that verse is that we must seek to have deep roots, but deep into what. We need to be strong so that we may be tall and remain standing for all to see.

Ephesians 3:17-18
“Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into Gods love and keep you strong. 18And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide , how long, how high, how deep His love is.”

There you have it, the love of God is what your roots must grow deep into, so that you may know it and live as a strong tall tree that can not be pushed down or removed from its foundation. I encourage you to do this, to seek Him earnestly and daily, so that you may know His love.

So what does my story of being saved by the roots of a tree have to do with all this about having strong roots? I’m sure that you have many friends and co-workers that do not know the love of Christ and there for are not strong enough to hold there course when troubles come there way. I encourage you to have strong roots so that when they need it, when they begin to fall you can stretch one out for them to grab hold of. You can love them like God does, but in a way that they can know since they do not know God himself. In this you will wear Christ for them; you will show them the face of God and start a work in there lives that we pray will one day lead to them to having there own roots in the love of God.

Ephesians 3:19 NLT
“May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”

Break Me

Alas, you find me here once again. Did I seek to be found? An odd question. Something I learned this summer, you can only be found by God if you seek Him. Odd to think that you must look for your rescuer. Yes, you must take your eyes off from what the world would lay before you, what has so easily entagled you. Take them and redirect them to heaven. There you will see God, looking down from above, your eyes meet, your heart breaks, and than He can do as He has always desiered. Let you know how intament His love for you is, how deep and eternal, not only in time, but in size and amount. You know this? I wish I did, for if I truly understood the love of God, than I would not sit here afront of my desk and wright of it, I would be on my knees balling my eyes out, comforted by His love and broken for the lost who dont know it. Just a thought I thought I might share.

Good Night All
TraV

Halifax in short

Thursday, July 22, 2006

Well, I said many times that I would try to tell write a blog about my trip to Halifax. To sum it all up nearly two months later, it was amazing. The trip down was long I guess, I flew from Thompson to Winnipeg and met up with the team the next day at the Air Port. From there we flew as a team of nearly one hundred to the Halifax Airport. There we hopped into two full size coaches and some smaller vehicles since we all didn’t fit and made our way to the Lord Nelson Hotel, it is a beautiful thing, right down town, only about 6 to 10 blocks to the harbor, depending on which route you took I guess. I was rooming with a guy from Swan River and he was pretty cool, His name was Tom, we became pretty good friends over the course of the week, but I haven’t heard much from him since the trip. Well, although the competition was only two days they kept us busy for the whole week, there was a lot to do there. I had a ton of sea food though, its was so lovely and expensive. But oh well, life will go on I figure, just a little money. I didn’t do so well in the competition because well, my migraine interfered, yes I still have it even now, nothing severe yet, but it’s coming back now that the acupuncture has stopped. So I don’t know what I placed but I had fun and that’s all that matters but it would have been nice to win of course, but oh well.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

We did a harbor tour as a team at one point, that was pretty cool, had a whole boat to ourselves and a tour guide took like two hours I guess, it was nice. Reminded me of being home in Newfoundland, a place my family is headed for right now. *sigh* Doing Gods work can be so painful. Well I don’t have a whole lot more to say about the trip. It was great, but it took me away from home where I had a lot to do, so if I had my time back I probably would not have gone.

My summer for now

Long Summer July 8/2006

Well, as long of a summer that it has been, through rough cabins, missing my family and other hard times, I still wish my time here at Simonhouse wasn’t coming to an end. I really enjoy myself here at camp and I really love the family that I have come to be a part of. It’s amazing all the things that God had for me to learn here at camp, I love God so much. I am of course looking forward so much to going back to Saskatoon, I’m really going to love it there, I just know. I miss all my friends there, just so many! I love you all too. Two weeks or less and I’ll be seeing ya. I can’t wait to just hang out with you all and do ministry. It’s going to be awesome. Well I can’t sit here all day; there is work to be done around here believe it or not. And you would never guess who part of the work crew is!

My Alone Time Thursday, July 27, 2006

You don’t get alone here at camp at any other point than on the weekend when your at a point when all you want is to be near God with friends, not alone, not with campers. Well, I have a cabin from hell….for the second week in a row, I’m not complaining, I’m thanking God, I know he has a lot for these campers, so I know he can do a lot as far as work in there lives can go. It can go a long way. WE had to send one of my campers home on Tuesday for striking out a third time for physically attacking another camper; he turns nine years old tomorrow! What is that!!? That’s not right, that’s all that is, I mean, where did he get it from, definitely the parents. Him and his sister came for camp this week, they both have ADHD, she is a distracted angel, he is a rage machine. I feel sorry he is gone, but I still have six campers that are total animals. Ok, ok, there boys from ages 8 to 10, there supposed to be crazy, but does picking up a flash light and whipping it at a kids head fall under the category of, oh there just kids…NO!

One of the senior staff said he would take my place for BOB time, it is a time where the kids have to do just that, BOB: Bum On Bed, it was hard to teach them this but they eventually learned. Now, how do I stop the long range bombardment? I hope Steve is ok in there; he is the Assistant Program Director. Cool guy, a total help to the staff. God is teaching me a lot though with this cabin of course, I’m as weak as I could ever be, and that’s right where he wants me. My patience ran out on Sunday, I broke down? What happened to me, but now all I got is his strength, his patience, and his love, and that’s all I need I guess. But I’m so tired physically, so tired.

My only question is, where can I get with these kids, I can’t teach them with words, I can only love them now. I have nothing more to offer, if I did, I would.

TraV

So Sick Aug 09, 2006

Well, would it surprise you if I told you that I am sick as a dog and still pushing myself as hard as a Ford truck. Man am I ever tired, I’ve got a migraine, the flu, and a cold coming on. I’m running a temperature and I have a fever, not to mention that I am freezing. So on I go, but just now the camp nurse told me that I am not allowed to work tomorrow if I feel any worse or at least not any better, and there is still 2000’ of bush to clear.