Hey Yall,
I dont really understand my need to do this right now. I need to do other things actualy. But this is something I must do. Hold on, I must pee first......thats better, quick huh? Dont worry I washed, you wont get any ciber germs. Back to writing. Why am I here? You wonder, or so I hope, I wonder atleast. Thus I am here, to voice my everythought and wity opinion on that very thought. To insult myself because it makes me laugh and it clears my mind.
The start to it all. What start I say? When did it all begin....again I am sorry for wasting your time, but no one else would listen, I actualy never tried to tell them, it was actualy because I never understood what it was that I needed to say. Can drugs, antidepressents affect you menatally in a negative way. I mean, they've done me no good thus far other than dulling the edge of my migrane for about twenty hours. I enjoy them, no, but I say once more, the side affects suck! I am not enjoying them anyways. But good news, my brain is fine, no cancer or anurism, nothing that will kill me or cause this head ache of mine. Im beggining to wonder, is the pain just all in my head? (that was a joke, if you didn't get it, your fired! but you may continue to sit here and waste your time reading my ramblings as I waste my time)
Noticed? Im sure a lot of my close friends, even those of you reading this blog, have noticed that I am not quite myself. Well I am not quite myself, rather who I should be, I am myself because I am not faking being all hunkeydory for odd reasons I have not concluded yet otherwise I might mask it all. But onward. I am, present tense, having trouble. If I knew what it was I would bluntly tell you because it bothers me greatly to be this lazy fool I am. Thus I digress. I do not spend adequate time with God, though I should be dooing more than just adequate, shouldn't I? I am not reading my bible everyday as I should. Less than half the week. I see the problem, I have determination to fix the problem, I have the word and the ear of God, so whats MY problem? I dont know, do you? I would like to know if you knew, you could email a perscription or some good reading advice. Much apreciated. Im liken those psalms. Jordo, as a tall one once called him, told me to check out Psalms 13, ofcourse I have read it before, the words and all. Good use of words that book.....but is that all it has become to this generation, a bunch of words? We dont realize how insane it is that a book writen by a bunch of authors (I used to know how many) could survive this long, some parts more than two-thousand years. Thats not just good bindings people, thats purpose. God had it written for a purpose, a purpose that is named after you. He wants you to read it, love it, not just see the words but hear them in the gentle loving voice of God, belive them and apply them to your lives. But anyways, I read it again, and again, and it didn't hit me yet, this was earlyer today. Your all thinking that maby I will have struck some revalation by carefully studying the chapter, I didn't, sorry. But you can check it out and see what God might have in it for you. Thanx Jordan though, I am greatful that you care bud. I will ofcourse check it out again before I put myself to rest. But, I will not do so such as yet. I am not done here. I have found purpose.
Purpose. I have no reasons for things I cant explain. Love explains alot of things in this world, like why anyperson would risk or even loose their lives for yours or for an idea. Be a martry. It happens everyday you know. But I will not waste your time with that. You can imagine how boaring it is to hear that firemen dont love thier jobs for the pay, they love to do what they do daily because they love the idea that you wont die in a fire because they can save you. Love. Wait, love and fire and being saved from it, does this ring any bells? Anyone who knows a firefighter personally, raze your hand! (psst. Im not watching, you dont actyualy have to do it Ashley!). Thats right; Jesus is a fire fighter. Mind you he doesn't race around through trafic with sirens and lights barreling to the next repenter. (is repenter a word?) He walked into the fire soaked pits of hell and reached His hand out to you, He wanted to be your Hero. Did you take that hand and let God be your fire fighter? I pray you did, for I am afraid as painful as dieing in fire might be, living in it might just be over the top of it all. Have you joined the force? Sure it was Jesus that died on the cross, it is Him who died for your sins, but have you seen someone about to get burned by fire and just walk on by. Not your problem? It is your problem, that is if you have already been saved. You have been impowered, given your own suit and boots, oxygen tank and cool helmet. He has you on the force now. You dont get the choice of retirement. Someone is dialing 911 right now, will we let it be drugs or alchohol, violence or suicide that answers the call. Or will it be you, seeing that person in need and steping in at the right time, before their life comes down around them in flames, to pull them out and let Jesus rescue them from an eternity of burns far worse than you could ever imagine. Suit up, and stay that way. Jesus needs you on the truck, so does your neighbor and your class mates. When they reach, will you be ready, willing, trained to take their hand, to lead them to the true Hero?
Reporting for the Cheif.
TraV
Ps: Anyone realize why it is that I suddenly felt the need to write yet? I think I have. Know this, God puts desiers and needs, fealings and hopes in your life. Dont ignore the twinge or tingle next time. Turn around, the person God wants you to worship next to in heaven might just be crying about things that you can help them understand.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
A break
I could use one. A really long and uniterupted break. None of these fake ones where I can be home and get the chor's that I dont have time for done, not the kind where I have free time for homwork, not the kind where all I have to do every day is just show up at work and be a drone. I need the kind where you can relax, do what you want when you want. I want to lay in a hamick near a body of water that is making a water like noise, its warm and sunny out, and all I have to is read the next word in the sentence of the paragraph of the chapter of the book I want to read. It would be nice, just to read and doze off and wake and reallize; oh my goodness, I dont have to do anything! And just continue reading. Ya, like that will ever happen. I cant freely or rightly take a break now, I have to do so much homwork, go to work, and prepare for nationals. I have to somehow find time to sit back and realize; Hey, Im turning eighteen, I have a lot todo. Growing up was fun, now I just have a speradic good time.
The Worn Out Rabbit.
The Worn Out Rabbit.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Prom!
Howdy Yall!
Prom was absolutely spectacular. The day was long but the night was hot! JK, I just wanted to say that but really it was just a blast.
The long day. I got up at eight to start about getting ready for my day. I showered and made my way to my hair appointent, needed a trimming. After I got home I helped my mother with a few erronds and did a few of my own and then I began to clean the truck since the Mustang wasn't home yet. I started at elleven and did this till one-thirty. Two and half hours, I cleaned her, polished the bumpers and windows, the black weather striping and the tires, I mean, I gave that Sexy Machine (Sexy Lexy being the trucks name) some real old fasion maticulous detailed TLC. It was rough but we got through and it was getting warm out.
So I went in and ate lunch, cold. My sis had just got her Graduated License and who was I to tell her she couldn't take the truck because it was cleaned for prom. So I had her drive me around and do some more erronds to prepare for prom. Pick up the flowers, get some cash, put gas in the truck. Right after I did this I got a hold of Sam (my date) who had called for me. She ask's me if I want a car, it will be clean and gased up and ready to go. Im like well I already have the truck ready, we dont need to take your car. (I thought she ment take har rents luxury car) She told me we could get a Monte Carlo or something like that. I asked from who. She told me that Mr. Mckay, her best freinds dad and the owner of chevy here in town, said we could go over to the lot and get the Monte Carlo. So I go over and he's asks so which car do you want, you can take anything! Im like blown away. It was tough, it came down to the four cars he had lined up, the most unique and best on the lot that were new. I chose between a Jet Black Grand Prix Special Limmited Addition Gt, leather interior, chrome 2.5'' dual exhaust, sun roof and a Fire Red Special Limmited Addition Monte Carlo LXZ, sun roof, 1.75'' dual chrome exhaust. Safe to say I chose the latter, simply because I knew no one would have one. He told me he'd have her cleaned and gased up and I could pick it up at four. Get this, when he gave me the keys there was 46km's on the car! Its brand new!!! Sam loved it, I loved it. Prom was a car show. Holy cow was it awesome for us gents. Soon as I got home though, the cat sprayed the front driver's side wheel so I had to redue that one in a suit.
The evening. I went to pick up Sam at four-thirty, to take some pictures and be at dinner by five. She looked amazing, I was blown away. Sam isn't the girl to dress up often at all, mind you I always knew she was very pretty, but at Prom you help that shine threw right. And Wow. Dinner was awesome, we had reservations with a group of twenty two. It was so much fun, we laughed so much. We had some spare time so we drove around for a bit. It was nice. We couldn't put many kms on the car though. We got to the school and the place was packed, nice cars and dress's everywhere. We wandered around the parking lot, taking pictures and talking with people and eventualy made our way into the overly crowded gym's. Here you take more pics and do the walk of fame, then the rents get kicked out idealy by eight. That didn't happen till almost nine since there were so many students. Then the party started. It was great, the music was a litle way to loud for my headache, but I promised myself a fun night and ignored the pain. I have never had so much fun I dont think. At twelve the prom was over. So we had to go pick up Courtney, Sams best friend and Mr. Mckay's daughter where we would also leave the car. Sadly. So, I drove in the complete opposite direction to get there. Raced and beat a 92 corvette! Boo Yah! and took the car home, got my truck, we both got changed, and the three of us, supposed to be more but whatever, went to BP's. We ate since we were hungry by one. Took Courtney home by two and made our way to where my friends were. They were lazing around (booo) watching a movie. We caught the ending and then a bunch of people went home! It was three, to early for Sam and I. So we went to my house with a few others and hung out, played pool. Everyone left there at five and Sam was tired so I took her home. On the way I noticed that the sun rise had started and imediately thought of the best place to watch it from. I should have just gone there and not asked Sam if she wanted to, but I did ask and she didn't. She regreted that decision right a way. There are other sun rises though, but not nights like those. I went myself after dooing my public duty. (someone had thrown a portable construction ahead sign on the road face down. Imposible to see, many people nearly hit it. I avoided this cattastrophy at first. I did notice it was mangled and coverd in car paint. OUCH!) So I moved the sign back onto the median.
Sun Rise. I made my way to the sea plane base accross the bridge. There I went down right out on a point in the truck where you could look east for a ways down river. It was amazing. The sun rise was half way done but it was still this vibrant pink and there was steam rising off the water about ten feet into the air that just lit up with this beautiful light since the night had cooled off so much. I sat and prayed and just relaxed. It was the perfect ending to an amazing night, Sam should of come, it would have been better, but there are other sun rises...we hope! I felt amazing after that and tired. So I was home and in bed a litle earlyer than other years but it was six or six-thirty.
More about the car and the car lineup at a later date. You wont belive it!
Update: Cat scan results are back and my head is perfect medically.
The TraV
Prom was absolutely spectacular. The day was long but the night was hot! JK, I just wanted to say that but really it was just a blast.
The long day. I got up at eight to start about getting ready for my day. I showered and made my way to my hair appointent, needed a trimming. After I got home I helped my mother with a few erronds and did a few of my own and then I began to clean the truck since the Mustang wasn't home yet. I started at elleven and did this till one-thirty. Two and half hours, I cleaned her, polished the bumpers and windows, the black weather striping and the tires, I mean, I gave that Sexy Machine (Sexy Lexy being the trucks name) some real old fasion maticulous detailed TLC. It was rough but we got through and it was getting warm out.
So I went in and ate lunch, cold. My sis had just got her Graduated License and who was I to tell her she couldn't take the truck because it was cleaned for prom. So I had her drive me around and do some more erronds to prepare for prom. Pick up the flowers, get some cash, put gas in the truck. Right after I did this I got a hold of Sam (my date) who had called for me. She ask's me if I want a car, it will be clean and gased up and ready to go. Im like well I already have the truck ready, we dont need to take your car. (I thought she ment take har rents luxury car) She told me we could get a Monte Carlo or something like that. I asked from who. She told me that Mr. Mckay, her best freinds dad and the owner of chevy here in town, said we could go over to the lot and get the Monte Carlo. So I go over and he's asks so which car do you want, you can take anything! Im like blown away. It was tough, it came down to the four cars he had lined up, the most unique and best on the lot that were new. I chose between a Jet Black Grand Prix Special Limmited Addition Gt, leather interior, chrome 2.5'' dual exhaust, sun roof and a Fire Red Special Limmited Addition Monte Carlo LXZ, sun roof, 1.75'' dual chrome exhaust. Safe to say I chose the latter, simply because I knew no one would have one. He told me he'd have her cleaned and gased up and I could pick it up at four. Get this, when he gave me the keys there was 46km's on the car! Its brand new!!! Sam loved it, I loved it. Prom was a car show. Holy cow was it awesome for us gents. Soon as I got home though, the cat sprayed the front driver's side wheel so I had to redue that one in a suit.
The evening. I went to pick up Sam at four-thirty, to take some pictures and be at dinner by five. She looked amazing, I was blown away. Sam isn't the girl to dress up often at all, mind you I always knew she was very pretty, but at Prom you help that shine threw right. And Wow. Dinner was awesome, we had reservations with a group of twenty two. It was so much fun, we laughed so much. We had some spare time so we drove around for a bit. It was nice. We couldn't put many kms on the car though. We got to the school and the place was packed, nice cars and dress's everywhere. We wandered around the parking lot, taking pictures and talking with people and eventualy made our way into the overly crowded gym's. Here you take more pics and do the walk of fame, then the rents get kicked out idealy by eight. That didn't happen till almost nine since there were so many students. Then the party started. It was great, the music was a litle way to loud for my headache, but I promised myself a fun night and ignored the pain. I have never had so much fun I dont think. At twelve the prom was over. So we had to go pick up Courtney, Sams best friend and Mr. Mckay's daughter where we would also leave the car. Sadly. So, I drove in the complete opposite direction to get there. Raced and beat a 92 corvette! Boo Yah! and took the car home, got my truck, we both got changed, and the three of us, supposed to be more but whatever, went to BP's. We ate since we were hungry by one. Took Courtney home by two and made our way to where my friends were. They were lazing around (booo) watching a movie. We caught the ending and then a bunch of people went home! It was three, to early for Sam and I. So we went to my house with a few others and hung out, played pool. Everyone left there at five and Sam was tired so I took her home. On the way I noticed that the sun rise had started and imediately thought of the best place to watch it from. I should have just gone there and not asked Sam if she wanted to, but I did ask and she didn't. She regreted that decision right a way. There are other sun rises though, but not nights like those. I went myself after dooing my public duty. (someone had thrown a portable construction ahead sign on the road face down. Imposible to see, many people nearly hit it. I avoided this cattastrophy at first. I did notice it was mangled and coverd in car paint. OUCH!) So I moved the sign back onto the median.
Sun Rise. I made my way to the sea plane base accross the bridge. There I went down right out on a point in the truck where you could look east for a ways down river. It was amazing. The sun rise was half way done but it was still this vibrant pink and there was steam rising off the water about ten feet into the air that just lit up with this beautiful light since the night had cooled off so much. I sat and prayed and just relaxed. It was the perfect ending to an amazing night, Sam should of come, it would have been better, but there are other sun rises...we hope! I felt amazing after that and tired. So I was home and in bed a litle earlyer than other years but it was six or six-thirty.
More about the car and the car lineup at a later date. You wont belive it!
Update: Cat scan results are back and my head is perfect medically.
The TraV
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Hearing
Psalm 77
For the director of music. For Jeduthun. Of Asaph. A psalm.
1 I cried out to God for help;I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.
3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
Selah
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
7 "Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"
Selah
10 Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High."
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.
13 Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
Selah
16 The waters saw you, O God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water,
the skies resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.
20 You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
Thanx Ashley for sharing that scripture with me. God is so Awesome, but we have said that a few times huh, but can we say it enough? He will never reject us, He will never stop performing mircales, the ones that God performed in the days that bible was writen are amazing. But He is a God who still performs miracles, He is a God that wants to perform miracle in us for the world to see. So beleive, love, and keep watch, because God will perform a miracle in you and He may use you to perform miracles for Him.
Its amazing when we read scripture, how we can identify with the author. How we can be amazed and think oh, thats what that was all about. I must admit, I was getting a litle slack. Id like to use the exscuse that I had a wicked head ache and I was on all these diferent drugs and I am just so messed up that I put God off to the way side, but I cant. In all this I know that I should have been keeping even closer to God. Waiting there with Him, feeding on His love and strength. I should have done things so differently. This all doesn't come from this one verse, but it sparked something, and a thirst. (A thirst that says low calorie cranberry juice is gross!!!) But above that, it says that I really really need God, and I will always need Him, when the going gets tough and when the times are golden. So, I will do this, not of myself, but through Him. This headache is temperary, it will leave in time, I know it. God will heal one way or another. Untill then and beyond then, I will keep Him at my side, and I will follow his lead. "Lord have your way, Lord have your way...with us."
The Rabbit
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