Annoyed Yet? (Warning: This may be a waste of your time to read.....there is another bellow it.... but who am I to stop you from reading!)

I am. This is dumb, Im not tired, why did I even go to bed. I lie there resltess as my mind dreams uncontrollably. Racing through my thoughts, disgusting. I pray against such stupid things. I do not want to be awake right now. Why am I, why am I unable to sleep God? I feel sick in the spirit, why am here tonight? Do I not have to be awake in the morning. Surely there is a purpose in this inabillity to sleep.

I dont understand how this is supposed to work. I'd sooner tune my drum set or blast my stereo then do nothing. Sadly that would be unacceptable, because I am the only one who cannot sleep. God is awake, He is here with me, but why God am I awake? Do You bring me from my drowziness, why am I awake? I wish I could cry, that would some how improove all of this you know? I am so confused. I know I can do with out it, sleep. But what purpose is there in my absence from the land of rest. Should I make my way back to my knees? Or let my guitar snuggle into my arms and be warmed as I play another song for You God? I would. But is it what You want?

Am I so foolish that I do not see the simplness of this, or is this at all simple? Do I sound annoyed...really Im not, I do not become irritated so easily, angry? No, I have not known anger for many years. Why am I so peaceful, really my thoughts are a hurricane. My logic is not so smooth at this hour. I can not figure this out on my own. There is no crow above my door, there is no knocking at the window, there is nothing here that should disturb me. Demon? I think not. A demon would know better than this, it would not be able to stand the name of God so present. So, what is it that awakens me. Am I to minister to some other lost soul, there is no one on this side of the planet that I could speak to....they are all asleep!

Am I entering in to another spell of thirst? I am thristy God. I would drink if I were offered a cup. I'd bathe in the river of Your spirit, not just drink from it. I would allow my flesh to disolve, then these thoughts would not be so ramped, these dreams so brutal. Yes my waking dreams. Without sleep I am gone, to dream yes, but ne'er to be peaceful in such a state. A day dream, no, I could wake form one of those. I hope no one reads this, it would waste your time you know. Is that all I am dooing, randomly speaking, desireing to break at any moment, and this only a way to pass the time. I would rather listen to clanking and clamouring of this key board than a clocks slow and graceful tick...tock...tick...tock...that would truly drive me mad...No I have not lost myself yet. I would seem crazy though. But again I tell you, there is no raven above my door, nor crow. There is no lost Lenore, this is not "forever more." A pendulem might ease my time this night. I would not desire such a death, I do not desire death, I desire to see all of this earth in eternity when my card is up, or when the trumpet sounds. Death will not help me there. I choose to follow you God. Should I find my way to my knees?

"A true warrior does not do battle with fists or casted metal. A true warior does use a weapon of carnage nor gore. A true warrior does not shoot another man. A true warrior may be found upon his knees, praying, and a bible in hand." Me? Or was it another who spake this quote in my ear. Was it similar to another. Did it follow anothers melody. I know not of these things. I only type to the rythem of this clamouring and clanging key board.

What is this, a rant? I do not rant. I do sit awake at three in the morning and vent. What have I to vent but random thoughts and unanswered questions..... What was that? That noise there behind me, dare I look for it, for the one who would cause this tingling in my spine, this shiver. Than what if I find it, stare it in the eye and ask what it seeks..... I care not for foolish thoughts Travis.....meh, it was no doubt the simple noise of pine and frost as they dance this night in droping temperatures. As they mingle to the tune of stars. Did you know the stars do actualy have a music coming from them? It would be neat wouldn't it..."Symphony of the Stars" Writen and composed by God...Id pay to see that. Then again, God paid for us didn't He. A free show folks, what fool would pass that up, not I. I would 'save' the time to be there, rather God has saved me to be there. God you are awsome.

Am I troubled, no. Am I plagued by something of the flesh, no...poor Job. Am I unable to make it to my bed, no...I do not desire to be there, only to know the Father and sleep. How long can I do this, how long will it take for my wrists to feel the burn, for my fore arms to cramp up. Is that all this is, a race against the flesh? Travis Vs. Carpo Tunnel, ha, I think not. That would be a foolish race, we all know how weak the flesh is. Surely I could not win upon my own strength. I would almost say I've got God in the pits (racing terminology) but that would be a foolish thing, only to have him when I need a tune up. In the passenger seat...forgive for thinking so, but thats a dumb bumper sticker, God ought to be driving! I bet he'd be awsome in a nascar race....In third Buddy is falling behind, second Other Feller cant keep up, and first its Jesus with the checkered flag!!! Mean while everyone else is finishing they'er first lap! Ha ha, my God wins!

I still do not waver, I am not tired, nothing is keeping me here, why do I stay? There is no raven at my window, there is no crow upon my door. The fire does not burn low and the final embers cast shadows tha dance upon the floor...but there is that noise again, and the tingle in my spine, and the sudden tears in my eyes. Who goes there?...who would be so foolish as to reply? The fealing does not past. I am safe, I am pertected, no harm can come against me. I dont not fight with flesh and blood but with the spiritual darkness's and the powers of this world? Its true, my fight is not with man, nor myself, nor nature. But with the accuseser of the breathern, that forked tounged idiot we all know of. Would that not make English class more interesting, if they threw another conflict catagory in, the fourth I suppose it would be. People of God Vs. The Devil. Ha ha, that'd make things at school more interesting. Ofcourse first we would have to lift the ban on the bible I think, is there one here, of this I know not. Not in this library, but there are schools in Canada that classify the bible as hate literature?? Oh, thats what that means. "God gave his only begoten son TO DIE FOR US, so that we might not die but have eternal life....abundant life!!" Sorry, thats the TraV translation...but we can all see how the bible is hate literature?..thats foolishness! But am I offended by it greatly.... these are only sign's that God is dooing His thing and its working, isn't it?

Still there is one question that lingers, why am I awake? Simply to write all this so you can have a good laugh tomorow, please do laugh, if there was that much good that came of this waste of time, than from that I would be more convinced it was no longer a waste of time.

The End.

I really can not wait till grade 12 is done, my last act as a student of RDPC will be the canoe trip. I will travel four days over nealry 4o km of water and river for the sake of fun!! It will be a blast, I just hope I can find another excellent canoe! I had one last year, I passed other conoers when I stoped padelling, no thanks to Mae!! Your awesome Mae. It was her dads canoe, very nice. Then its off to Simon House Bible Camp for a few weeks, how many I will be there I dont know. My family wants to go to Newfoundland, visit and what not. I would love to go back home, but should I. SHBC is amazing and I have somthing to offer the kids. I have never been so at peace as I was at that camp. I cant wait till september iether, providing everything works out, Ill be in Saskatoon interning under my really cool cuzin, Pastor J...I wonder what I will call him...J-Shep, Cuz, Jayson, Hey you, Pastor J, Pastor Jayson, Pastor Sheppard....Pastor Nelson, curriouse, what would he perfer?

I ought to end this before it is past rediculously long....Good night everyone....oh wait, your all asleep...Well I pray it is a deep and restful sleep and for those of you who are nuts, that your dreams are not freaky. Be blessed. This is Captain TraV Man, signing out!

Broken Heart - Falling Up

Broken Heart - Falling Up

Psalms 147:3
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

In this moment synchronized inside, words that paint a legacy of life
A different picture will unflold, a healing finds it's way through
Sifted times I take another breath, with an ambience of nothing left
So heal my heart rain down your love these waters bring me back to life

Chorus
Father, Healer deliver me from broken love
Stay here, closer let me hear your voice of love

There's a healing calling from the wind, there's a Healer waiting to begin
In timeless places, traced and faceless will I learn to let go
Take me to the heights where love controlls, far from home but feels so close
This empty heart of mine will fall from inside and bring me back to life

You can hold, You can mend
You can heal, You can break

Chorus
Father, Healer deliver me from broken love
Stay here, closer let me hear Your voice of love
Savior, Redeemer bring me to this place of peace
Jesus, Garden my broken heart is so in need

Praise

Beautiful One I find myself in your Arms Of Love...Once Again.

So my soul must sing as you open my eyes to your wonders anew.

Your holding me still, holding me near, my soul, my soul must sing.

Thinking upon your sacrifice, you captured my heart with this love.

So powerful, your glory fills the skies, I am in that place once again.

The only thing that stops me from praising God is finger nails that get to long, then I wait five mintues and I am good to go. I love being in his presence, it gives me so much joy, and it hurrys the healing of my heart. Not that I am rushing God, we just focus on him ever so much more in those times of worship. I could feal my heart being touched and my mind focusing in, and the joy welling up in me. (is welling a word..oh well! :) (Welling: 1 moving upwards, growing in horizontal direction. 2 overflowing from within.-Travis's Dictionary of thought) (Now its a real word)...anyways.

This is a night off from work for me, tomorow night is another one. I love having free time, but now I have so much in comparison to yesterday and monday...up till 1:30 - 2 doin homework after working and chatten. I have a lil homework, and at nine I am going to go join some of my soccer buddys at the gym and school the old forin fellers...they are fast for 40 to 60 years old....wow!

This free time is good though. I like to think when I do nothing. I was thinking about what has happened in my life these past two months, and how God has challenged me to surrender everything I am and have to Him. Some things were really hard to give up, some were not. And why I held on to those litle things even though I knew what they did to my relationship with the fahter I know not. But some of the 'bigger' things that were holding me back, I didnt even know or realize, some I even thought were good. Some were good, they just did not benifit my relationship with God, and therefore were of no use to Him.

"Michelle, I learned so much about living for God and purity that I could write a book from our past three years. We challenged each other as well as hindered one another at times, but not with the intent to do so." It was hard to talk with her, and to say it was over to one another, it hurt so much....it stills hurt some, and it will for a long while I think....but God is healing as we speak. It was so neat to hear how God was speaking similar thigns in to her life. How he had been telling her he wanted all of her aswell. It was neat to know that we had both got on the phone sunday night knowing that if it was really God, it was over tonight....the neatness however and the amazment of what God was dooing did not drown out the hurt. And I am glad for that. We must always have every part of our life in the fathers hands, dieing to self daily, and surrendering our lives entirely to him, so he may use our lives and the intriacate parts our lives, like talents and what not, to further his kingdom.

Thanx Father for all You've done for me.

Later friends,
Trav

I feal like I jumped off a cliff and fell up?

And on the way up I smacked into a falling brick, that I really dont understand. Like, where did the brick come from? Why does getting closer to God always hurt? (dont need to answer that, I just like to reason with myself, anyways, back to you all).

I really dont have anything else to say yet. I will leave this unfinnished for now, and add more later. Like what happened.

Later troopers.

11:15

Im back.

Well, Im not really ready to post what had happened. But I will tell you that God is here, he is with me right now, I feal his love and his comfort all around me. His constant pertection and his compassion. God is so awsome, and I want you all to know that following him can hurt, alot, but its amazing what he can do if you come before him broken, and willing, amazing what he wants to do with your life.

On a lighter note, I really can not wait to go to Saskatoon. I was talking with Jason (is that better Ashley?) (sorry Pastor J, I kept getting your name wrong....Jayson, its not that bad) and he said he was excited, nothing is in stone yet, but I am really excited to. You are all awsome people M180, push in.

TraV

Do I understand?

The longest day in my life is a sunday. I dont know why, I dont know how, I dont even know when it decided it would be. Im just glad we have sundays. There not bad at all, time passes more slowly so we can spend more time resting and in fellowship.

Talk about getting your words mixed up, I really cant spell and maby if I could this would be all the better for someone to read and understand I have 'Ideahs' not 'Leahs', but whatever. Hmmm. Well, I will try harder now, if not to ruin the fun of Ashley, then it will be for some other reason, like a good mark in english!! Ashley, you are weird, but its for the best that you are who you are and that you continue to be that person which God is making you to be.

Well, as for this blog I dont think I have given it a purpose except for the fact that I would have something to ramble on to in meaningless terms for reasons that I will never understand. I wonder if anyone understands how I feal right now. If there is anyone else in this vast country or world whom can relate to me. Am I the only one who will ever understand or am I terribly confused as to what these decisions are that loom over me so closely mean. Will they cause such great pain, or will they set me free. Outcomes are never clear, only the common denominator over which we make our decisions as christians is clear. God. Is being happy simply a decision we can make that is not based upon our circumstance. I think so, I think we ought to always choose to be happy though, no matter what the circumstance. Its just like worship, your bad week shouldn't hinder you, your great week...I dont know what that should do, but we ought to praise God always. As we compair our lives in a fraction over God we should be filled with joy as followers of Christ (life/God). Suddenly life doesnt seem so big, its as if it were one over a google, the one is not alone, only tiny, but the google is supporting its footing, it wont let the poor litle one tremble. Does this make sence yet?

On to the next subject.

Yes,

it is the plague which can strike at us all,

it is the illness which can consume our days,

we are weak to its grasp as we stand alone.

Know this,

we are never alone for one second of a day,

we are always sourounded by the love of God,

He will never leave us or forsake us.

Fear not,

the love of Christ can heal all your wounds,

the caress of the Spirit is strong and gentle,

the Father in heaven is best of all.

Whats your plague,

......?

God is awsome, he has blessed me with some really great friends, and now I have even more to thank God for. You are all awesome people. Those of you who know Christ, excell in him. Those of you who do not, He is calling.

Thats all for now, I should think.

Saturday Mornin

This tale may not be such a crazy one I must admit. You will no doubt be laughing at me for lack of understanding for this program. I just wanted to give it a go this morning to see if I need Leah's help or not. So far so good Leah.

Well, since Im here I should just as well tell you about last night, that would be friday night if you can't figure it out yourself. (Make a comment about my spelling) Last night we had a youth service here in Thompson at TPA and it was awesome (did i get it right that time Leah?). We had a lot of fun, the worship sounded good from where I was, and Pastor Rob from Nelson House (a reserve not so far from here) brought like 20 youth with him and the word of God. It was great. We brought no agenda, just willingness to follow the movement of the spirit. My team did an excellent job, I am luckey to have friends who are so much more tallented then me. After the message that Pastor Rob brought we were challenged, those of us willing to be leaders for Christ and make the sacrifice's that came with that were invitted to the altar (everyone came). We prayed for like 45 minutes and the spirit made itself known. Then by some reason I know not Bobby and I picked up our guitars. He looked for a song that God put on his mind and I started to lead another one, Surrender. The band came up as looked at each of them from behind my mic, and they joined, I stoped durring the course and the band continued to play as I put out a challenge to the youth to actually mean what they were saying. I told them before God will give you it all you must bewilling to give it all up (where that came form I do not know, well I do...God is great). We continued to play for a bit and then Bobby took over with his crazy song that was so messy I couldn't even read the chords. So I tried to play by ear, whooie, that was interesting. After that we went down stairs, ate a lil, and hung out. I made some killer tang, apparently I use to much sugar, nonsense I think.

Glory, Praise, and Honor to God.